Finding Time for the Little Things

I spend a lot of my after school time on the computer doing some homework assignment or sitting down with some assigned reading for the next day's class. I'm not a very fast reader and I usually take quite a bit of time to do homework, so I have to dedicate a good part of my day to doing this. Plus I get distracted way too easily and I waste time.

Unfortunately for my daughter Marie, this means that I often have to tell her that I don't have time to sing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" with her for the fifth time or watch Land Before Time. I've always felt a little guilty about it and try to dedicate a portion of my time every day to playing with her or doing something she wants to do. We play dinosaur or prince and princess or we run around and play airplanes or do tea parties. It's always a lot of fun for both of us.

Today was a little different than the usual day. With term papers and unit plans coming up, I decided that today I didn't have time to play with my daughter and was just going to work on homework to get as much done as I could. Yes, I felt bad about it but I had rationalized it so I was good to go. Then, my dad calls me. He tells me about a house in Pleasant Grove that has lights coordinated to music they broadcast and that I should take Marie to see the lights. Marie is 3 and she's at that point where everything is new enough to seem so magical to her but old enough to understand it and enjoy it and remember it too. I couldn't resist. It was at this point 7:30 and I was just about to put her to bed, but I decided to get some warm clothes on her and take her to see the Christmas lights. She loved it. The first song we saw was Jingle Bells (which just happens to be her favorite) and that was followed by traditional and non-traditional Christmas songs. Every time ended she would turn to me and say, "One more Daddy?" How could I resist? I'll admit it. I'm a pushover with my daughter. I just hope it takes her many years to realize it.

The light show was fun and my daughter had a great time. We spent maybe 30 minutes watching the lights and she ended up getting to bed almost an hour late (I'm usually pretty strict with her bedtime). So, I maybe lost about 45 minutes of solid homework time, but I gained a great experience with my daughter. 45 minutes was worth it. Sometimes you have to step back and take time to enjoy the little things with those you love.

You know that helpless feeling you get sometimes?

I can't think of times I feel more helpless than when I see the people I care about suffering. Especially when it's my wife or daughter. I can think of nothing worse than seeing their pain or problems and being able to do nothing to help. I usually either feel guilty for not doing enough or frustrated that I can't do more. This happened to me this weekend. I hate it and it's probably one of the worst things about being married.

I've been married now for five years. In that time my wife has had several severe toothaches and infections, mostly resulting from bad dentistry in her youth in Venezuela, and two operations. Gall bladder and Appendix. In every one of these cases, I've had to  watch her suffer pain, sometimes unbearable, as we get matters resolved and get her in to see somebody. And there isn't much I can do.  I watch. I listen. I drive her to the doctor.

This weekend it was a toothache caused by infection. Turns out she has a filling that probably should have been a root canal and now it's gone bad. Fun for her, because now she gets the root canal, only this time done on an abscessed tooth. Needless to say it has been very painful for her. Probably not something I would recommend. But don't worry. She's on antibiotics and the dentist has drained to pus to relieve the swelling and she'll be fine--after a few days.

I always find myself asking, what do I do? When someone is in pain, and not even a few Lortabs can calm it what can you do? I hate feeling helpless and I hate not being able to fix things.  It's bad enough with my wife, but if this ever happens with my daughter I think I'll go crazy.

I Love Halloween on Mondays

This was the best Halloween I've had probably since I've been back from my mission. Growing up, Halloween was always a huge affair in my neighborhood. There were so many kids around--I know, so strange for Utah County--that the streets were almost crowded at 9:00 at night and my parent's candy bowl was always almost empty at the end of the night. Sadly for everyone, this hasn't been the case for most of the new millennium. These last few years Halloween has gotten progressively worse. Trick-or-treaters no longer come by my door, decked out in their cutest or scariest costumes demanding candy and delighting in my expertly carved Jack-o-lanterns. The only ghosts that come to mind nowadays are the old western ghost towns as I see the empty, abandoned streets on Halloween night with nothing coming down the sidewalks except for the leaves driven before the howling wind. I hate it.

So, why did I title this post "I Love Halloween on Mondays?" Well, anyone who lives in Utah or is a Mormon might be able to answer that question. The reason is also tied directly to what has made Halloween into the most pathetic community celebration of the year.

Trunk or Treat!

Trunk or treat. Even writing it gives me a foul taste in my mouth. Trunk or treat is based on an idea that lets kids who live in dangerous neighborhoods do trick-or-treating without having to go door to door and possibly exposed to harm. That's perfectly OK. The problem began when some paranoid, but I'm sure well-meaning person decided that Trunk or Treat would be a great idea for a Halloween church activity. Kids would go get their candy at the ward Halloween part dressed in their costumes walking from car to car in the parking lot, taking candy from people standing by the open trunk of their cars. Great! because these kids were in such danger on the rough streets of Happy Valley UT.

So, why do I think this ruins Halloween? Picture it if you will. Trunk or Treat on Halloween night at, let's say 5:00 p.m. Parents take their kids, take their candy and get home by 7:00 p.m. Logically, you would think, ok, now its time to start real trick-or-treating, but nay, not so. See, parents don't want to buy extra candy, and they will do anything to avoid having to actually WALK AROUND with their kids. So, they go home and turn off the lights and ignore the few kids who go out on their own. This translates into having maybe 5-8 kids come by your house on Halloween night and a big bowl of un-gifted candy.

What really bothers me about this is how it is ruining Halloween as a celebration that builds community. Consider this. I don't have actual statistics, but I would guess that where I live probably about 75% of the people are active church-going members of the same religion. So, when they are all doing this same thing that excludes the 25% of people in the community who aren't church members or who can't or just didn't want to go. They miss out completely on Halloween. Not only the kids, but the parents and grandparents who have fun seeing kids in their costumes. And don't tell me that non-members can still go to Trunk or Treat because we both know that most people don't want to go to activities done by other churches and religions. I know I wouldn't feel comfortable.

This year, however, was an exception. There were a lot of houses open for business last night, with their decorations turned on in all their orange glory. There were trick-or-treaters out by the scores wandering the streets in search of sugary bliss. It felt like Halloween to me for the first time in almost 10 years.

Why did this happen? What special circumstances contributed to the return of a community-based Halloween? Any member of the LDS faith by now knows. It was a Monday. Monday is the night for Family Home Evening. A time to spend time learning and growing and bonding as a family. No Church Activities on Monday. Thus proving my point that chruch-sponsored Trunk or Treat is ruining Halloween.